916…102….63….3

Nah, I WISH I was 102 lbs.  LOL  Haven’t seen that since 17, and probably never will again.  :: giggles ::

9/16….my favorite day of the year.  LOL

102…the expected temperature here today!

63….my brand spankin’ new age.  (well, technically as of 11:27 tonight.)

3…more years until I can retire!

No aches.  No pains.  1/3 of a blood pressure pill keeps me happily at 106/72 (as of last night.)

I FEEL like 42.  I say 42, because by then I was over the ‘trauma’ of turning 40.  LOL

Life is good.  I was celebrated over the weekend:

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and TODAY, I’m being celebrated at work:

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Lots of good food, all day long.  No worries.  The one number I care least about today is the one on the scale.  ;)

Back to tracking tomorrow.  Today, is just enjoying how people celebrate me.  Nothing else.

Life is GREAT.

Thanks in advance for your well wishes.  Love you guys, too!

My ‘birthday weekend’

Well, see, my birthday actually isn’t until Tuesday.  LOL

But our family celebrates birthdays either on the birthday, or sometime the weekend before.  Since it fell on a Tuesday this year, that meant this weekend was the celebrations.  :)

It started Saturday with dinner at my younger daughter’s home.  They grilled baby back ribs, had a delicious salad, baked beans, and she made me a birthday cake.  No one has baked me a birthday cake in well, shite, I can’t remember how long!  DECADES.  So did I have a small sliver/slice?  Yes, yes I did.  I am not rude.  I had 2 ribs, about a cup of the salad, and 1 tablespoon of beans.

Here I am with my precious Luke, the youngest grandson:

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He’s 23 months old, and SO precious.  :)

and hey look!  At not quite 2, I’m not THAT much bigger than him!  WOO HOO!

Sunday, Mom took us to Las Brisas, our favorite Mexican Sunday Champagne Brunch location…right on the beach in Laguna Beach.  Had their delicious huevos rancheros…with a shrimp chowder soup.  SO YUMMY.  Champagne was enjoyed as well.

After Las Brisas, since we couldn’t get my hubby’s Raiders game on our network, we went to a local sports bar.  I drank iced tea (we are on our about 10th day of non-stop 100 degrees plus weather/heat wave…and it’s been 103-105 the past 3 days, even only 10 minutes here from the beach!)  I had maybe 6 homemade potato chips with their ‘spicy ranch dressing.’  I had no dinner.

A perfect Primal weekend of eating?  No.  But by no means off the chart.

I have leftover Las Brisas steak and about 1/2 cup of potatos for lunch on Monday, and a leftover hamburger patty from Friday for dinner.  So it will be a good day tomorrow.

Tuesday, my birthday…well, I give up.  LOL  I share the exact same birthdate (year, even!) with a department co-worker, and he loves donuts.  There will be donuts.  We will be taken out to lunch.  And dinner will be at the Cheesecake Factory.  Don’t worry, there will be no more than 2 bites of cheesecake, and NO crust.  No breads or grains.  I GOT THIS.

Then, I can finally get back to full on NGNS-5 living again.  YAY!

But I feel fully in control.  I have been slacking on exercise with this extreme heat wave…and that isn’t supposed to break before next weekend, AND we have another Mexican hurricane remnants coming mid week, so add bad (for us) humidity to this heat.  Yuk.  I will try to dance later in the week, and Monday evening while watching football.  Not on my birthday night though.

But, sometimes life is like that.

I feel strong.  I feel good.  Clothes still fit.  Life is GREAT (although football sucked this weekend.  LOL)

That’s where I stand!

Oh, and I watched the  Biggest Loser.  I like the new trainers.  I think it’s going to be a good season.   I loved the new guy trainer talking about the MIND being so important.  It really, really is.  Almost any diet…one can lose weight at.  But even the best diet in the world, which I happen to believe Primal is…if you don’t work on the emotional aspects of overeating, or making poor choices in times of stress…you won’t kick the weight issue for good.  I truly believe that.  I DO believe that eating no  to little grains and sugar gives you the best chance TO kick those mental and emotional issues, because it’s the clearest past to no physical cravings…but you have to GET there first, and then learn how to STAY there.

Have a great day!  I believe in YOU!

Fine tuning

I haven’t been eating perfectly primal lately.  For about the past week or so.  Nothing horrendous, but definitely more sugar than I should be.

I thought it was because of old, faulty habits;  meaning “it’s almost my birthday.  I deserve to ‘treat’ myself.”

And for sure, that is exactly what it is.

But it goes deeper than that.

My marriage, while great, has been well….for a lack of a better term…less than ideal lately.  Nothing overt.  Nothing relationship-ending-dangerous.  Just, less than optimal.  Heck, married 11 years, it happens.  But/and again, this might be ‘it’s almost my birthday and I want everything to be as perfect and good as possible for it’….it’s been building up (the worry, concern) inside of me particularly now as my birthday approaches.  So I bit the bullet last night and mentioned it in bed.  But it was late, it was dark, a few perfunctory ‘I’m sorry” ‘s were said, and we fell asleep.  But I woke up this morning, early for a Saturday, and was still not happy.  Nothing had been addressed.  Whether I was tossing a bit over it as I stewed, or whatever, but he woke up shortly after me, and after a few minutes of nearly awkward silence…we faced each other and started talking.

It was like peeling layers back from an onion.  Safe little things addressed at first, and things got a little deeper the more we talked.  About 30-45 minutes in this, BOOM!  It all was out there (nothing hairy…more the ‘let the little things build up’ types of things)…the air was cleared, concerns, fears, worries, nagging issues all addressed, and it was RESOLVED.  It was like a light switch had been turned back on…and well….we were never in a bad place, but we are in a much, much better place now than we have been in a long time.

Because we talked.  Because we expressed our issues with each other.  And then we realized (especially him, who’s never been married before)….that until we address issues, they really do just build up, fester, and make things much worse.  And we promised each other to mention things when they were still little things.  Not try to brush them under the carpet in the hopes that they disappear all on their own.  Because they never do.  The little dust bunny issues build up and build up until they can break the vacuum when you finally try to address them.  We’ve could’ve gone on for years more…still loving but not as optimally feeling as good about our relationship as we could, all because we were afraid to hurt the other person’s feelings or make them mad.  We have faced that we have to risk that to get us back to a better place where there is no resentment because we have faced those issues.  Ugly and scary that they might seem…are so much less when we throw sunlight on them!

We are in a GREAT place now.  It was SO SO worth it to face those issues!

And I admitted to him that perhaps some of what I consider my over-eating (really just eating wrong, not over eating) was related to this too….and knowing as my birthday drew closer that I was going to have to force these other issues out into the open, and being afraid to do it…I was eating sugar to compensate.  To self-soothe.

Now I don’t have to.

Eating too much and eating wrong are almost always tied into stress.  And once we eat too much or eat wrong due to stress, the brain chemistry changes kick into gear from the glucose…and then we add actual physical and emotional cravings to continue eating poorly…to the whole stress issue we were eating poorly from in the first place, and we add yet ANOTHER layer of guilt to our psyches.

Dumb.  But very very human.  And unless you have overt physical symptoms from eating poorly, it takes real work to overcome.

I’ve been eating primal for 21 months now.  And I’m still not perfect at it.  But I am getting better.  And yes, this was a ‘bad’ week, but I didn’t bury my head in the sand…I very succinctly have forced myself (and my husband) to address all the underlying issues…and now not only am I  /we in a MUCH better place, but I also did what I consider true weight maintenance WORK, in the process!!  I didn’t fall down the rabbit hole.  I saw there was an issue…or issues.  I went inside (and to my husband) and forced the issues out into the open.  I made us/me address them head on.   I care TOO MUCH about him, our relationship, and my HEALTH to continue down a path that I KNEW led to nothing but heartache.  Relationship wise, health wise.

That’s what good weight maintenance is about:  FINE TUNING.

Good marriages, too.

Not burying our heads in the sand.  Well, let me re-phrase that; CATCHING ourselves when we realize we are burying our heads in the sand.  And self-correcting our courses.

I feel AMAZING.  For having done it.

And the ear-to-ear grin on my husband’s face this morning, and his words to me…tells me he’s feeling amazing this morning now too.

All because I was willing to self-correct faulty paths/directions.

Please, learn from me.  Do NOT be afraid to own your evil, call yourself out, then SELF CORRECT.

Don’t fall down the rabbit hole!

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I’m sorry!

Between starting two football leagues, as well as PLAYING in them….plus all the normal stuff, I’m just so swamped right now!  I just haven’t been devoting the time to this blog or anyone else’s that I should be.  I’m sorry.

I’m doing fine…just cray cray busy during my ‘free’ time with football.

This weekend is chock full with pre-birthday activities with the family.

It’s just crazy busy here.

I’ll try to catch up soon!

Sad.grim.pathetic

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Someone extremely near and dear to me at work (because she interviewed me and helped hire me)…was let go overnight.  (well, since our employee quarterly meeting at noon yesterday.)

She was a FIXTURE here.  I have no idea what she ‘did’, but apparently she was terminated for something.

We are all in a state of shock.

I’m SO sad.

I had planned to come here today to celebrate the 90th birthday of my deceased dad…but right now I have to pick myself up off the floor from this news.

Life can suck big time, at times.  :(

my take on the Ray Rice situation

I am a HUGE NFL fan.  HUGE.

Unless you live outside the USA, even if you don’t like or follow the NFL, by this morning it has to be pretty impossible for you to have NOT heard about the Ray Rice situation.

This story originally broke in February.  Ray Rice was with his then fiance (now wife!) at an Atlantic City casino hotel, and apparently knocked her out in an elevator.  At the time, he claimed they were fighting, and yes he did it, and shouldn’t have, but it was in response to her slappin’ at him.  The commissioner of the NFL eventually banned him for 2 games.  That suspension was due to end next week.

Yesterday, tmz.com released the video of the attack.  Ray Rice (who, prior to last year, was a Super Star in the NFL)…COLD cocked his wife in the elevator.  Then, to add insult to injury, he didn’t gently pick her up and carry her out of the elevator.  He dragged her unconscious, lifeless body, literally like a huge sack of potatoes, between his legs, out of the elevator.  He started to use his feet to move the bottom of her LIFELESS legs out of the elevator.  I actually found the way he moved her out of that elevator every bit as horrifying as the hit itself.

The NFL claimed they had not seen the video before.  I’m still finding that hard to believe.  Ultimately, a few hours later, his team dropped him, and the NFL banned him indefinitely.  His wife, the victim, issued this yesterday on Instagram:

“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend,” Janay Rice wrote. “But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that [the] media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass [off] for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific.

“THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”

I have MANY thoughts on all of this.

1,  why did the NFL, his team, the nation need to SEE footage of the crime to become outraged?  Nothing in the facts changed after seeing the video.  Where was the complete outrage the past 6 months?

2.  I say that, because a 2 game suspension seemed pretty freakin’ weak, compared to Josh Gordon’s full season suspension for using pot.  Seriously?  How in hell is that commensurate?

3.  I don’t give a rat’s ass that she might have reached out and slapped at him during a heated fight.  That gave him NO RIGHT to cold cock her unconscious to the ground.  She remained unconscious during the entire 20-30 seconds..probably at least a minute…that the tape continued to run and he attempted to drag her lifeless body out of the elevator.

4. Her response yesterday is also repugnant.  Call it the victim mentality, but bottom line, in my opinion she has sold her soul for his paycheck.

5. Yes, perhaps it should’ve not  been released to the public.  That said, when you choose to live in the public eye…you have to accept shit like this happening.  Unless it’s children, there isn’t much that should be or is sacred or should be kept hidden from the public.  That ‘keep it hidden from the public’ is how Nazism worked.

6.  his blatant disregard for her AFTER he struck her unconscious, tells me that it’s not the first time that this has happened.  Of course I can’t prove that.  But there wasn’t a shred of ‘holy shit what the fuck have I DONE?!?!?!” on his face, in his body language, or how he treated her lifeless body immediately afterwards.  THAT is what sticks with me.

It’s sickening.  The NFL and Commissioner’s treatment of this situation, from the beginning was weak and unjustifiable.  I understand how strong the Player’s Association and its rules are to protect the players.  THAT is fucked up too.

That said, I love football, and it will take much more of this to turn me against the sport.

Maybe something like Johnny Manziel becoming a superstar.  THAT would do it.  ;)

 

Attitude

Attitude-matters

I don’t know about you, but for me, once I got past the ‘how do I lose weight for good?’ mentality of trying to figure out what makes the most sense, nutritionally, and what would work for me…once I had become fully immersed in the not eating grains or much sugar or processed foods…process…overall, eating became very easy.

EXCEPT for two times/situations:

1.  stress.  I still fight that.  I am still trying to unlearn the knee-jerk reaction to stress of / by… self-medicating with food.  Getting better all the time, but not 100%.

2.  around certain times when I felt I ‘deserved’ a ‘break’ (whaaa?  A break from HEALTHY eating?  WTH, Gwen?!)

Say, for instance…my birthday coming up.  It would be real easy to say ‘my birthday is only a week-10 days away.  I want to ‘enjoy’ (more?!) eating between now and then.  I don’t want to diet.  It would be very easy to fall prey to that ‘attitude’.  To have an off-kilter/unhealthy meal or two or five.  Down the rabbit hole I would be.  Then I would begin the guilt trips, yada yada yada.

The thing is, I don’t WANT to be that way anymore!  I don’t WANT to feel like ‘taking a break’ from healthy eating!  I prefer feeling GOOD about MYSELF after I eat, not guilty!  I lived waaay too many years feeling guilty!  I don’t want to have to worry about high blood pressure, pre-diabetes, getting winded  walking, knees hurting going up or down stairs, worrying about premature death or illness, being embarrassed about how I look in clothes or what size I’m wearing, thigh chaffing, NONE OF IT.

I DON’T WANT TO EVER EVER GO BACK THERE.

So when/if I start to get those feelings, I immediately sit down with myself and remind myself of all of the above.

Don’t buy this shit that ‘it takes 21 days to create new/better habits.’

I say

BULLSHIT.

It takes waaaaay longer than that! WAAAAY longer than that!

But that doesn’t mean you don’t start to feel better very quickly when you DO start to build new habits (of healthy eating.)  You most certainly do.  The changes for the better can be quite dramatic, quite quickly!  But at least for me, the real MENTAL part of the ‘dieting’ game takes MONTHS (perhaps even YEARS) to perfect.  Especially if you don’t have very blatant physical reactions to some of these foods.  If I broke into hives or developed a migraine every time I ate milk chocolate, this would be a no-brainer.  But it ain’t that way, for me.  The differences are there, but they are extremely subtle at first glance.  So it really becomes an attitude issue for me.  Breaking DECADES of poor choices that have become quite literally second nature to me.

Don’t get me wrong; 75-80% of the time, it’s easy peasy eating right/primal now.  But there can be days where it is a struggle.  I’m learning, and adjusting completely on the fly, as I go along.  I know 1 bite of milk chocolate and it takes 3 days to end the cravings.  One bad meal takes a full week to just get BACK to the weight I was the moment before I ate it.

So really, it comes down to How Stupid Am I?

I mean, why would I lose a whole week to overcome the scale effect of one single stupid meal?

So I continue to work at it, on the days that for whatever reason, it’s a struggle.  Because one day’s struggle can lead to three can lead to weeks…and I’m just not EVER going back there.

Now, I could sit here and bitch and moan about this, or I could consider it a competitive challenge to climb back into the ‘sweet spot.’  And since I’m highly competitive, that’s what is in my nature to do, when I found myself having made a bad choice.  I put on my uber-competitive Gwen cape, and get my ass right back on the straight and narrow road.

Because THAT is where I want to live the rest of my life.

NOT wallowing in guilt, remorse, self-hatred.

It’s all about attitude.  And we get to make fresh starts every moment of every day.

Choose wisely for yourself, and your future!

Now join me at the greatest motivational weight-loss blog hop of all!


Stuffed and bloated

YOU know the feeling!

You eat a big meal….and you start to groan.  You literally want (and sometimes do)…to push your gut away from the table.  You say, as you are groaning, ‘WHY did I eat all that?”  and / or “I FEEL STUFFED.”  and / or “I ATE TOO MUCH.”

You feel AWFUL.

Stuffed.

Bloated.

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You KNOW that feeling.

Well, I hardly remember it.  Because since I stopped eating grains in the form of bread, tortillas, warm buttered rolls, hamburger buns, etc….

I NEVER GET THAT FEELING.

Example; I go to lunch with co-workers to a restaurant that serves up-scale burgers (and other stuff.)  They all get a gourmet burger with french fries.  I get a gourmet burger without the bun, and onion rings, of which I only eat 4.

When they are done, they moan about eating too much.  How full/stuffed they are.

Me?  I feel sated.  Nothing more, nothing less.

NEVER STUFFED.

NEVER GROAN after a meal.

Happens ALL the time!

Want to stop feeling bloated after a meal?

Want to stop groaning that you’ve eaten too much?

Stop eating the grains/BREAD.

It really, truly IS as simple as that.

Thousands and thousands can attest to it.

It’s just the GRAINS.

every.single.time.

Scandal!

Nothing juicy…the TV show Scandal!  LOL

I decided to start watching it….it’s got 3 complete seasons though, so it’s ‘binge watching’ on Netflix.  I started last night.  I got the first five episodes in, and OH MY GAW!!!!  Within the first 15 minutes I was HOOKED.  If I wasn’t married, I would’ve watched even more episodes.  (LOL)

best.show.on.t.v.

WHY didn’t I watch it all along?  I don’t know, except I’m not a huge Shonda fan (creator.)  I did like Private Practice (a lot), but never have been a Grey’s Anatomy fan.

ANYHOW, I’m hooked!  Apparently the first season was only 7 episodes long (thankfully), but season 2 is 22 episodes and season 3 is 18 episodes.  Season 4 starts 9/25, sooooo

I have 19 days to watch 42 more episodes, because I want to be caught up by the new season premiere!  Cos half the fun of watching a show is to be able to discuss it live at lunch at work!  LOL

I’m a nut.  I admit it.  I am also becoming a TV Netflix fanatic.

We started with Orange is the New Black.  We aren’t caught up yet.  We also started House of Cards, but hubby gave up on that before it became juicy.  I almost did, but now I’m in love with how deliciously evil Kevin Spacey’s character is.

I LOVE NETFLIX.  Being able to start any movie or TV series, from scratch, at your own pace.  LOVE IT.

Yep, I’m a couch potato.  From 8 pm to 10 or 10:30 every single night, I’m on the sofa watching TV.  It’s who I am.  It’s what I do to unwind at the end of the evening.

New fall seasons will be starting in the coming weeks.  Can’t wait!  We have to get the DVR re-set for our favorites because we just switched from DirecTV to ATT-U-Verse.

Yep, I love TV.  LOVE IT.  And there are so many more options now with Netflix!

How about you?  Are you a Scandal fan?  OITNB?  House of Cards?  Something else?  Don’t spoil for me, but love to hear what you think about the early stuff on those!

(and, if you are an Orphan Black fan like me….I’m SO excited because I’ve decided to be Helena for Halloween!  LOL)

Yep, I might be ‘old’, but I ain’t dead!  There is life and fun and SPUNK in this old lady!  :D

Have a great Saturday!  We are picking my mom up to go see our 6 year old grandson’s first soccer game, then out to a nice restaurant on the golf course by my mom’s house for lunch, then later he and I will see the movie about the mother of all storms…tonight.  Fun, activity packed day planned!  And if the college football games aren’t great today, maybe I’ll finish season 1’s Scandal this afternoon, too!  :)